Its been two months...and what a two months they have been

Going through IVF, there are so many moving parts. Its hard to figure out your feelings and thoughts, let alone to put them down on paper...or computer. :)

When I last left you, I was preparing to have a series of tests that would hopefully give us the results we so desperately want and maybe, just maybe, explain why we have unexplained infertility.

Over the past two months, I have had a hysterosalpingogram (or the HSG test) and a endometrial biopsy. Ladies, if I could offer any advice, ask for some happy drugs during these procedures. By far the most painful tests I have ever had done. The good news - everything is perfect. The bad news - well, everything perfect. I of course didn't want anything to be wrong but it sure would have explained why and what was going on if something had come up. So even after these two tests, everything is exactly as it was before - unexplained infertility.

So we prepared for another round of IVF. I did everything I could think of, so did my hubby. We ate nothing with preservatives, no soda, no drinkipoos, had whole food blended smoothies every morning, stayed away from white sugar and white flour - with the exception of my nightly M&M's. :) This seemed to work as we generated the best results of eggs and embryos that we ever had! We had 16 eggs, 12 embryos and 7 are strong and healthy and able to be frozen. I am doing a natural IVF cycle - I didn't go right into a fresh transfer as I was slightly over stimulated.  So in a week from today, we will have our transfer.

I feel better then I have ever felt before and more prepared. I am doing everything that I can possibly think of. And I have my village of support. Its taken a long time to get to this place. For a while, my hubby and I had put our focus and energy on adoption. And although we went as far as completing the necessary classes and paperwork, we just didn't feel like it was the right time. My heart kept telling me that it is more then just being a mom, but I want to have my baby with my husband. This was hard for me to come to terms with. I thought I was a bad person or not being open to all possibilities. But in truth, I wasn't being open to what my true's heart desire was. The option to adopt will always be there. But for right now, I want to be pregnant. I want to have our baby.

In 3 weeks, God will reveal the next chapter of my life. I'm anxious, excited but most of all, ready. Ready as I every could be.